Meet the new boss....same as the old boss.

Jerry Manuel.




Willie Randolph.



Yes...Mets brass. It was ALL Willie Randolph's fault that this team is underpeforming. The same maladies that got him canned are now affecting Gangsta' Manuel. But don't worry though, this team will make the playoffs and win the world series.

If you believe what I just said, your probably still waiting for General Custer to come back and still waiting in New York Harbor for the Titanic to dock.


Just like the Mets...a lost cause.

Gang of New York

In Jerry Manuel's first night on the job, Jose Reyes suffered from tightness in his hamstring. Manuel, like any responsible manager, advised Reyes to leave the game. Jose did not agree with this, and threw a little helmet flinging temper tantrum. Jerry Manuel responded in the most professional of manners. A death threat.

As told to the Daily News by Manuel, "I told him the next time he does that I'm going to get my blade out and cut him. I'm a gangster. You go gangster on me, I'm going to have to get you. You do that again, I'm going to cut you right on the field."

Wow. This is really a B-E-A-utiful start to the newest era of failure in Queens. In tribute to Jerry's eloquent words, I present to you, "Cut You Up with A Linoleum Knife" by Mastodon. Sure the fact that this video refers to the rules of a movie theater might seem out of place, but I think the dancing snacks make about as much sense as this year's team, and are twice as fun to watch.

Aaron Heilman is an incompansionate bag of douche.

According to Jeremy Cothran of the Newark Star Ledger the Mets players are stunned by Willie Randolph's firing. How possibly can they be stunned I have no clue, he's been wavering for quite some time and unless you don't read or understand English.

Relief pitcher Joe Smith said the following: "I had no clue."Are you (messing) with me?"

And Aaron Heilman said this: "It doesn't really change what we do. "You still have to go out and play the games."

How much of an incompasionate douchebag do you really have to be Aaron? I mean, come on for fucks sake. If you don't suck this year then maybe Willie doesn't get fired as you've SOLELY cost the team atleast five wins. Is this your way of getting back at Willie for not starting you? Are you really kicking a man while he is down for the count.

Shame on you Aaron, shame on you. Maybe Nick was right, he would really rather have a tumor in his brain than watch him pitch again. I guess I gotta go get some hairgel, buy an overpriced Armani Exchange shirt and put on 2 tons of cologne to impress girls who if you kiss them they'd probably give you a milk mustache they wear so much make up.

Fuck me. This sucks.

Utter Embarrassment

After the Mets squeaked out a victory in Anaheim (or if your Artie Moreno, Los Angeles even if your 40 miles north) and in a victory I fell asleep in the 7th inning I wake up to find out that the Mets fired Willie Randolph at 3 o'clock in the morning local time. This reaks of cowardly move. The Mets brass couldn't fire Willie and 2 of his coaches (Rick Peterson and Tom Nieto) two days ago back in New York? Wouldn't that have been the smart and logical thing to do? Instead they fly Willie and Co. out to the left coast and fire them! And now we know why these Mets have won nothing under the ownership of the Wilpon's, it's obvious that Nelson Doubleday knew what the fuck he was doing when he was part owner of the Mets.

It's time like these where I'm very happy to be a Giants fan (Superbowl nonwithstanding) they have two owners who know what they are doing in John Mara and Steve Tisch. You think they would have let Willie Randolph float in the wind like the Mets did for over a month? No, absolutely not. I remember when all speculation was that Tom Coughlin was going to be fired and you know what the Mara's and Tisch's did? They help a press conference to tell us, the fans that Coughlin was coming back AND signing a 1 year extension. They didn't do what the Mets did and let Randolph waffle for a month, nor did they hold TWO press conferences that told us nothing.

In today's New York Post writer Mike Vaccaro writes the following:
"What a crowd, these bums are, all of them, from the Wilpons at the top to Omar Minaya down below, all of them who conspired to botch this firing worse than any firing has ever been botched. Ever. You wouldn't trust these guys to run a 7-11, let alone a National League baseball team. What a joke. What a cowardly, dastardly joke."


It's hard NOT to disagree with what Mr. Vaccaro is writing. They waited until everyone on the east coast was sleeping with their loved ones, or in my case with my platinum haired blow up doll (Oh shit, did I just write that?!) were sleeping. This is on equal footing of the Baltimore Colts moving up and leaving town in the middle of the night and driving to Indianapolis in 1983. It is a huge joke fans and don't expect Jerry Manuel to right the ship either. Doing this is like sending the Lusitania to save the Titanic.

Oh and Omar, your next.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

As of 3:15 this morning, Willie Randolph is no longer the manager of the New York Mets. A press release stated his firing, as well as Rick "The Jacket" Peterson's, and 1st base coach Tom Nieto. The news was broken about 12:15 Pacific time after the Mets' 9-6 win over the Angels.

Randolph has had a roller coaster ride of a managerial career. He has taken the Mets a game shy of the World Series. He has led them into the biggest collapse in the history of baseball. Randolph has seen both the good and the bad, and definitely the ugly. He is being temporarily replaced by bench coach Jerry Manuel, and the rest of the coaching staff will be filled out by Ken Oberkfall and Dan Warthen, the manager and pitching coach of the Mets' AAA affiliate in New Orleans.

I'm not going to make this one to long. All I really need to say is that I'm happy and sad to see him go at the same time. It's saddening, because he was a great player, and a hometown hero, being raised in Brooklyn. But, I can say I am ecstatic to be rid of him as a manager. Not every great player can manage, just ask Frank Robinson. (Hall of Fame Player who led several teams to a 1065-1176 career record)

I guess this post is done. Oh yeah. Fuck you Billy Wagner. Either get a meaningful save, or go eat a dick in Philadelphia.

Classic Video of the Day:

The Mets and the number 6

I've noticed a trend here with the New York Mets, and no it's not the inconsistency or any of that stuff that really matters. It's all the new Mets getting the number 6. What is so special about the number six aside from the fact that it is my favorite number? Nick Evans was the first lucky recipient when he was called up and aside from his first game as a Met with 3 doubles he looked like a confused baby in a strip club. I actually called up Cooperstown and asked if they were making his bust for when he gets inducted. I have yet to get a call back.

Next up was Abraham Nunez and to say he was up for a cup of coffee is an understatement. I believe he had two at bats and both of them were strike outs. What a call up from Triple A! What a waste of good cotton his jersey was, I hope they frame his jersey out on the Citifield fan walk next year.

Now they gave this highly distinguished number to newcomer Trot Nixon! Who I think will be a positive influence on the team mostly in the clubhouse. He's a gritty player and we all know New York fans love gritty players who leave it all on the line.


So remember fans the Mets made this number famous:

If I were the Shea Stadium Vee Jay....

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that the Mets Vee Jay at Shea is some pasty white guy who has no rhythm and wears very conservative clothing, nothing really out of the ordinary. Here are the songs I would pick for the starters on the Mets (this includes the injured starters, Alou and Church.)

1. Jose Reyes- "I walk the Line" by Johnny Cash
Reyes is one fast mofo', but I chose this song because Jose has the baseball IQ of a wombat. He tries to hit home runs too much when he should utilize his speed. He teeters between great and insanely stupid, more often than not he's just been insanely stupid this year.

You guys can imagine Reyes stroll up to the plate in this great Cash song, right?


2. Luis Castillo- "Exit" by U2.
I admit, I was happy that the Mets traded for Castillo last year at the trading deadline last year. Signing him to a 4 year deal? Not so much. I picked this song because I just want Castillo to get the fuck out of Queens, seriously dude, you suck and you have no knees. Should have kept Gotay and let him play. But NOOOO, Omar had to justify this dumbass signing.

Don't let the door hit you in vagina on the way out, Luis.

3. David Wright- "Have a Drink On Me" by AC/DC.
I chose this song because of the pictures that I have seen and I'm sure you have seen them too.
Do those shots of Vodka hamper your ability to lay off a slider 3 feet out of the zone? Damned if I know. Doesn't really hamper my ability to hit a drive though.

David Wright, a true man of the people.


4. Carlos Beltran- "If" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
You know Beltran is wondering this when he plays deeper than the Titanic out their in centerfield.
"If I only signed with the Yankees, my leadership skills wouldn't be questioned....wait...I don't have any...oh all well." If Beltran could only hit a slider inside or a curveball he'd be good, but he can't and he isn't worth the contract Omar Minaya threw at him.




5. Moises Alou- "Glass Onion" by the Beetles.
I think this song is appropriate on two levels. Alou is built like glass and he pisses on his hands.
We all know the guy could probably wake up from a coma and hit a double down the line, trouble is
would he ever wake up from said coma? What a waste of talent, if he played 130 games a year he would probably be a future all of famer but he isn't. He is just an injured player who pees on his hands.

Thanks Alou, remind me if I ever met you to never EVER shake your hand.


6. Ryan Church- "Who Are You" by the Who.
I'm sure if Ryan read this blog right now, he'd be wondering the same exact thing. "Who the fuck am I." I picked this song because of the downright shameful way the Mets treated his concussion. He's been one of the bright spots for the Mets this year, but I think pitchers found out how to get him out. My friend, you got fucked by Doctor Omar Minaya.

Get well Mr. Church.

7. Carlos Delgado- "Loser" by Beck.
Seriously, how the mighty have fallen I guess, although I type that rather reluctantly. He makes 16 million dollars and he cannot hit, cannot field and he probably drops his baby daughter when he throws her up in the air. He doesn't get his uniform dirty and is completely useless in every aspect of the game. As I wrote before, he axed a trade to Boston and Los Angeles in 2004. What does that tell you? He is a loser, a L seven weenie, a dodger dog..a WEENIE. Oh yeah and he runs like a duck! I would just wish the Mets would cut their ties with this asshole because he is just a hindrance in the diamond and he clogs up the lineup with his non hitting. I wish I could make 16 million dollars and produce like he has, I think I would have been fired by now.

Yes, Carlos they are booing you and it's because you suck. Go back on the 'roids.

8. Brian Schneider- "That's All You Need" by the Faces.
I didn't really expect much from Schneider, he provides better defense than Paulie Lo Duca and he wears a sweet catchers mask, plus he plays like he gives a shit.



Here are some extra songs for the Front Office and such.


Omar Minaya- "Nobody's Fault but Mine" by Led Zeppelin
Signing a 32 year old to a 4 year contract with creeky knees? Check
Trading for an aging slugger at a key position? Check
Trading power pitchers for people who can't contribute in the bigs? Check
Trading a pitcher for a guy who had to get Tommy John surgery and has half his of his salary in diamonds? Check
Omar should be fired, he built this team together and he should fix it. What he promised us was "young and youthfull ball players" Does he realize that the Mets have no farm system what so ever or does he put on his rose colored glasses? Jesus H. Christ Omar, pull your head out of your ass right now. If your gonna fire Willie Randolph, just do it..letting him waiver like this is not fair to Willie because he is a very classy individual, shame on the Mets for waffling like this.

Mets need to act more like Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods, the number 1 golfer in the world just hit a miraculous shot from an off balanced lie for an 8 foot birdie try. Some of you may ask? Rob, why are you writing about Tiger Woods and not the Mets?

1. Because Tiger Woods is actually good and plays to his seemingly endless potential

and

2. Because the Mets have no clue what they are doing on the field and off it. One day they want to fire Willie Randolph and the next day they don't. One day the Mets coaching staff (sans Willie) is safe, the next day? They are not. The Germans assembled the Luftwaffe in lesser time that it takes for the Mets to make a decision.

I say the Mets need to act more like Tiger Woods because even when he isn't on his A game, he still finds a way to win or tie in this case. Yesterday, Woods was clearly in pain because of his left knee and he didn't cry or make excuses, he did what he had to do on the 18th hole yesterday and holed that putt to tie Rocco Mediate.

Tiger doesn't make excuses, he is so business like out their on the course. He has the attitude of:
"Fuck you, I'm going to win and your gonna like it." It's the reason why he has 13 major victories and 64 victories total for his career, he has the "killer instinct."

The Mets however, do not have that instinct. Infact, that instinct left two years ago and in the foreseeable future it isn't coming back.

It seems that no one on the Mets likes to hit with R.I.S.P (Runners in scoring position) they just want to put it on someone else's shoulder and let them do it. These current Mets don't have a Mike Piazza type player who can put the whole team on his shoulder and carry them to the promise land. As much as I like David Wright, he just isn't showing that so far in his career, well..to me anyway. He tries too much, trying to hit a 2 run home run with no one on base. There is no accountability on this roster, it's full of "let him do it" mentality.

Today, Tiger faced a guy who was the 158th ranked player in the world today in Rocco Mediate and Mediate gave Tiger every thing he had. He forced another playoff hole in which Tiger won by a stroke, but Tiger just has that mentality to win at all costs. He was playing on a bum knee and still won the U.S. Open when every other guy was healthy, Tiger wasn't. This team is full of anti Tigers' its ridiculous. If Tiger played baseball he would be a scrappy player willing to do anything to win. Carlos Delgado is not like this and neither is Luis Castillo, they are what you call "clean uniform guys" or in baseball terms "pussies." They never dive for balls and God forbid you ask them to come through in the clutch. HA. It would be like having Hannibal Lector perform open heart surgery on a loved one.

The Mets should just release Delgado and Castillo because they bring nothing to the table on the field and in the clubhouse, especially Delgado. You guys realize he 86ed trades to contending teams when he was with Toronto? He is a loser, plain and simple.

It times for the Mets to act like this:


and not like this:

What a bullpen

Why is it that the Mets Organization is supposed to have the best bullpen in the NL? It clearly isn’t true as you can see while Aaron Heilman gives up 4 runs in an inning of work or while our closer, which has been amazing all year, has 3 blown saves in a row. The last time that kind of thing happened with Billy Wagner was 8 years ago when he was with the Astros. And really, our starters haven’t been as good as they should be.

Yes, Johan Santana has a descent record under his belt, but on the fact that he gets paid $16,984,216 doesn’t really help his cause. His record isn’t that bad at 7-4 but I think it should be way better with that kind of motivation. Expecially since he was known to be "The best pitcher in the major leagues." It's definitely time to live up to that name.

Oliver Perez...can someone please tell me why this young pitcher only went 1/3 of the first inning in his start against San Francisco? That’s fucking pathetic. On top of that, he leads the NL in walks (48 BB). His ERA is definitely a little high for his potential. Some of these Met's starters really need to pick it up.

Another great pick in the bullpen...Aaron Heilman, do I really need to go into detail about this guy? All he ever has to do is come in a game for maybe 2 or 3 inning and get 9-12 outs. No, that isn’t the story with Aaron at all; he'd rather come on and make the game an interesting loss for the Mets by giving up a shit load of runs for no reason. I'd rather have a fucking 10-year-old kid on the mound that can’t even top 20MPH then this horrific excuse of a relief pitcher.

And last but not least, Billy Wagner. I'm not gunna lie...I like Wagner as the closer for this team but he needs to cut the shit. He needs to start doing what he is supposed to and get 3 easy outs in the 9th inning, but that really hasn’t been happening lately. In this season Billy has played 27 games and already has 5 blown saves. In the end of his last 2 seasons with the Mets he's only had 5 blown saves. I do believe Wagner will eventually snap out of this little trend where he fucks everything up for the Mets.

Hopefully these pitchers start to pick it up sooner or later if this team even wants a little taste of the play offs. They should be playing there hearts out because of the results of the last 2 seasons.

Things I would rather do than watch the Mets.

After heavy pre season accolades from the press the Mets are sitting on an outstanding record of 30 and 33. Some days they hit, some days they don't. Some days they pitch well and some days they don't. Tis the story of the 2008 Mets, inconsistency. Since the Mets suck these days here are just a list of things that I would rather do than watch the Mets (this isn't like Despised Icon's list)

• Masturbate with sandpaper. I'm not kidding either. I personally, haven't done this yet but I'm sure it's pleasurable in a sadistic, sick sort of way. This would probably be the last thing I would rather do than watch the Mets.
• Read the phonebook. Yes I said it, I would rather read the phone book in one of those phone booths that no one ever uses anymore. I figure by the time I finish all the "chin's" in the phone book Oliver Perez will have been yanked from another 2 and 2/3rds inning performance.
• Hit myself in the hand with a tack hammer. This could be a cool drinking game, but I digress. This would be a good stress relief, but again..I digress. This can be used for times when Rick Peterson runs to the mound to force feed some bullshit to Mike Pelfrey or Oliver Perez. Can also be used when "captain" Delgado runs to the mound and does nothing, he is just trying justify his salary.
  
• Mainline drano. Seriously, I'd go buy a syringe and inject that stuff directly into my bloodstream via the webbing of my toes, I love my parents enough not to put them through the torture of seeing the needle trying to find a vein in my arm. I don't know many people who inject drugs into their stream, but I think I'd go straight to them for advice.
• Hang out with DMX when he is high. Seriously, how long do you I would last in DMX entourage/posse? I'm a white guy who cannot get a tan without burning, I'm overweight and I play golf. I don't think his posse would appreciate me for who I am..unless I bailed him out when he crashed into the gates at JFK airports.
  
• Go to a club filled with Long Island/ Northern New Jersey Guidos. I fucking loathe these people with every particle in my body. I'm sure as soon as I walked into the club I'd probably get hit with a face full of hair gel and I'd immediately smell like a 2 dollar French whore house. Although I do wear pink collard shirts, I don't like guidos. From the whole gammit with the hair, fake muscles, lip gloss and cologne..I would much rather do this than watch Aaron Heilman pitch ever again.

Remember I would rather hang out with these two guys:


Than watch this guy ever, ever again.

Some notes from yesterday.

According to Mets beat writer Adam Rubin who was in the clubhouse yesterday he and some other people saw sheets in the Mets clubhouse that said the Mets needed to go 62-38 to finish out the season and win 97 games and they in all probability would win the division and make the playoffs. On said sheet said little quips like "We b4 I", "team above self" and lastly "we have time."

1. This team isn't making the playoffs, nor are they coming any where close to winning 97 games.
Omar Minaya keeps saying this team "is able to make the playoffs." Well, Omar they aren't. Because of his free agent and trade transactions they won't make the playoffs. In today's game they don't rely on aging old veterans through free agency or trades. Teams these days rely on their farm system and developing their own home grown players. Bob Dylan once wrote a song called "The time they are a' changin'" and it's obvious Omar Minaya, like Ron Burgundy never heard this song. It's apparent the times have passed Minaya and he has to change with it. Hopefully the draft that just past is clear that the Mets aren't going to keep going for the high priced free agents year after year and finally produce a decent position prospect under Omar Minaya.

And what the hell is "We b4 I?" Seriously, are the Mets doing this for the players that can barely speak or read the English language. It's a good idea if you ask me, too bad this clubhouse is full of me first guys and it's starting with the first basemen who doesn't give a fig in Carlos Delgado. This man personifies "the I don't give a shit" attitude that has been plaguing the Mets since last year. He refuses to get his uniform dirty and he got old really fast, does anyone else think that Delgado was on the 'roids? I have no evidence, but in this baseball day and age your guilty till you can prove your innocence. I cannot get over this "we b4 I" crap though, does Willie Randolph really need to use the Lou Holtz rah rah method on the Mets? Next Willie should just author a Mets fight song next week too.

These Mets aren't going anywhere this year until the rank of the 2007 collapse is gone and by that I mean they need to get rid of players that were apart of it. Are they sick of the booing? I would be too if I played like Carlos Delgado and Carlos Beltran day in and day out. Carlos Beltran knew what he was getting into when he inked that contract back in 2005, oh wait....he didn't want to sign with the Mets in the first place...I would imagine none of this would have happened if he signed with the Yankees like he really wanted to...where he could hang back and let Jeter and Alex Rodriguez take all of the heat from the press. We, the fans think these two guys are the prima donnas of the Mets. They rarely get dirty and they really don't hustle every game. There is a reason why New York sports fans love athletes like Wayne Chrebet, Joe Morris, Lenny Dykstra, Wally Backman and countless others. Because they always played hard, they got down and dirty and although they weren't the most talented, but they left their heart and soul out on the ball field. As a fan of both the Mets and Giants, I love players like Ryan Church, Rich Seubert and David Diehl. They don't have all the God given ability that guys like Carlos Beltran or a Jeremy Shockey, but they play their hearts out.

In the words of Forrest Gump "that's all I have to say...about that"

An excuse for me to embed videos.

Recently, I've been seeking alternatives to watching Mets games. Watching this team lose in new and interesting ways has gotten incredibly boring.

So, I've been seeking ways to avoid Mets games. It's depressing to watch. Like...babies getting stomped by the Manchester United football club while they wore cleats. I now present to you all, the Top 5 Alternatives to watching the Mets.

5. Double Decking.

This is a simple way to fuck with someone's head. Go into any bathroom, and instead of taking a dump as you normally would, remove the top from the tank, and shit in there. This will result in the crap-filled tank emptying into the bowl, and probably scaring the shit out of anyone who flushes.

4. Karate Kicking a Cement Wall

Show us how tough you are. Try to break through a cement wall with your feet of fury. Just don't let this happen to you.

Cinder Block Wall Crushes Dudes Leg - Watch more free videos

3. Hardcore Segway Riding

Be daring. Be athletic. Be as much of an asshole as you can be.

Woman Faceplants on Segway - Watch more free videos

2. Burger Bowl Off

This one's explained in the video. Basically, drive around, nail people with food., get points based on how much it cost.

negs burger bowl off - Watch more free videos

1. Fire in the Hole!!!

This fun little trick involves pulling up to a drive-thru window and ordering a drink. Once it's handed to you, you throw it back at whoever is working the window. Though this might not sound like fun, I think this video more than explains how great it is.

Fire In The Hole Compilation - Watch more free videos

I give up.

I've pretty much had it with this team, although I will still root for them and go to the games (because I pretty much have too) I will take every win with a grain of salt. I'm not falling for this bullshit again like I did last year when I believed the Mets can get out this. They can't even get out of their own fucking way. This is a team that is about to get swept by the worst team in the National League and Jake Peavy, Chris Young and Greg Maddux didn't even pitch in the series. No clutch hitting, no clutch anything these days. Watching them on TV it seems like they won a Yogi Berra like 10 World Series, but they haven't won a damn thing except for the NL East back in 2006.

That's another thing, I'm sick and tired of hearing or reading fans opinions of this team and relating it back to 2006. The 2006 team was fun to watch, they had heart, had soul and they played together.
Remember this picture?


It is never coming back, the magic is gone. The team the time? HA, yeah right. Your season has come...yes and it's gone faster than you can say "Phillies win the NL East."

Carlos Beltran's "guarantee?" Unlike Joe Namath and Plaxico Burress, two players who put their money where there mouth is...Carlos has come up short, but he didn't want to sign with the Mets in the first place and it just seems he is doing everything half assed out there.

I haven't wrote on this blog because I don't want to anymore. It's not fun writing about the same mundane thing game after freakin' game. I feel bad for the Mets beat writers and fellow Mets bloggers, especially Matt Cerrone who has one of the best Mets blogs out there.

A couple days ago the MLB conducted their annual first year amateur draft and the Mets had two first rounds picks since 1994 where they selected the immortal Paul Wilson and Terrence Long. In this draft they selected outfielder/1st basemen Ike Davis from Arizona St with the 18th overall pick and then selected shortstop Reese Havens out of South Carolina U with the 22nd pick. Havens isn't going to be a shortstop at the next level, more like a 2nd basemen or catcher. But that didn't stop idiotic Mets fans for bring out their ire on Havens because he was a shortstop. "WE ALREADY HAVE ONE" one of my friends wrote and "unbelievable" wrote another. Apparently they think he is going to replace Jose Reyes, I hate stupid people. If everything clicks for Davis scouts say he can hit 30 or more homers in a season...I want him to play right now actually, he cannot be any worse than Carlos "they don't pay me to think" Delgado. I cannot wait until Delgado leaves the Mets next year, I will personally drive him to JFK or LaGuardia airports.

If you fans want any satisfaction, watch porno and don't even flip on SNY or CN11 to watch the games, you already know what is going to happen, if you watch porn however you can always watch the hot housewife who's husband isn't home nail the pool boy in like 8 different positions.