Poetry in motion.

"There are roughly three New Yorks. There is, first, the New York of the man or woman who was born there, who takes the city for granted and accepts its size, its turbulence as natural and inevitable. Second, there is the New York of the commuter- the city that is devoured by locusts each day and spat out each night. Third there is the New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something... Commuters give the city its tidal restlessness, natives give it solidity and continuity, but the settlers give it passion."
E.B. White, taken from Here is New York

I saw this excerpt on the train the other day, and it made me think, "Well, could it be that there are essentially three kinds of every person?" I came to the conclusion that this is impossible, but then, it dawned on me. The sports fan. There are exactly three kinds of enthusiasts of professional sports. Not counting people who aren't really sports fans, but just smart enough to root for someone. They aren't really fans, just riding the wave. Yes, three. No more, no less. So, now I present to you, a list post.

1. The first, and most common type of sports fan is the home team fan. This fan is always the most loyal to their team. This team is always a local team (or the closest geographically) You do NOT want to insult this person's choice in team, or ever question their devotion. This, especially when mixed with empty wallets and overpriced beers can result in a drunken brawl

These people have been fans of their team since conception. Also included in this grouping are people who went to a college with athletics, or who have direct family who did. No one's really a USC fan, they just put players in the draft. This leads us to the next group.

2. Out of towners. For some, strange reason, these lovers of the game will root for the most random teams ever. Dolphins fans in Chicago, Cubs fans in New York, Knicks fans anywhere. They truly do love their team, and are second in loyalty only to the home grown fanatic. Although alot of times these people are just front running douche-bags. Somewhere, there is a landfill full of discarded Patriots jerseys.


And speaking of jumping on the wagon, we come to our third, and most unwanted type of fan.

3. The player fan. You know him. Your friend, who claims to be a Giants fan, goes to every home game, but still wears his Vick jersey when you guys hang out. Usually sounds like Barney Rubble when defending this player, as they are usually drunk, and said player is a multimillionaire with a much fuller wallet than your buddy with his plastic Bud Light in hand. "I dunno Fred, I mean, he donated money to the animal shelter. He MUST love dogs, don't see why he'd make 'em fight each otha."


Fucking idiot. Do you know what Mike Vick would do if he met you? This: