Things I would rather do than watch the Mets.

After heavy pre season accolades from the press the Mets are sitting on an outstanding record of 30 and 33. Some days they hit, some days they don't. Some days they pitch well and some days they don't. Tis the story of the 2008 Mets, inconsistency. Since the Mets suck these days here are just a list of things that I would rather do than watch the Mets (this isn't like Despised Icon's list)

• Masturbate with sandpaper. I'm not kidding either. I personally, haven't done this yet but I'm sure it's pleasurable in a sadistic, sick sort of way. This would probably be the last thing I would rather do than watch the Mets.
• Read the phonebook. Yes I said it, I would rather read the phone book in one of those phone booths that no one ever uses anymore. I figure by the time I finish all the "chin's" in the phone book Oliver Perez will have been yanked from another 2 and 2/3rds inning performance.
• Hit myself in the hand with a tack hammer. This could be a cool drinking game, but I digress. This would be a good stress relief, but again..I digress. This can be used for times when Rick Peterson runs to the mound to force feed some bullshit to Mike Pelfrey or Oliver Perez. Can also be used when "captain" Delgado runs to the mound and does nothing, he is just trying justify his salary.
  
• Mainline drano. Seriously, I'd go buy a syringe and inject that stuff directly into my bloodstream via the webbing of my toes, I love my parents enough not to put them through the torture of seeing the needle trying to find a vein in my arm. I don't know many people who inject drugs into their stream, but I think I'd go straight to them for advice.
• Hang out with DMX when he is high. Seriously, how long do you I would last in DMX entourage/posse? I'm a white guy who cannot get a tan without burning, I'm overweight and I play golf. I don't think his posse would appreciate me for who I am..unless I bailed him out when he crashed into the gates at JFK airports.
  
• Go to a club filled with Long Island/ Northern New Jersey Guidos. I fucking loathe these people with every particle in my body. I'm sure as soon as I walked into the club I'd probably get hit with a face full of hair gel and I'd immediately smell like a 2 dollar French whore house. Although I do wear pink collard shirts, I don't like guidos. From the whole gammit with the hair, fake muscles, lip gloss and cologne..I would much rather do this than watch Aaron Heilman pitch ever again.

Remember I would rather hang out with these two guys:


Than watch this guy ever, ever again.